So in the last year so much has occurred in my life. A year ago I was facing the darkest days of my life. I didn't see a point in living and I thought that God was still alive but turned his back and took a break and said figure it out for yourself for awhile little girl. I was alone and scared. I went through heartache and deep sadness. I finished the semester though and of course dean's listed it with the help of my family. But when do you draw the line of help and over helping. Most likely it would have been a more smart decision to have just came home but perfectionist me wanted to finish, which I ended up taking an incomplete and finishing mid summer. I pleaded with my parents to let me stay, but sometimes you truly don't know what you want when you are so blinded. So with the help of church and friends I was ready to tackle another year at the 'Ville. I did it until the last two weeks in which I got a bad sinus infection that turned into a cold. So of course I was looking for spring for redeeming the time lost. But a week after my 21st birthday I had vertigo and a migraine to top all others, making it so bad that it reeked havoc on my vision and nerves that I couldn't walk. So of course going through the gamut of doctors and physical therapy and six weeks later I was about 70% but by that time too much school had passed. So I had to make the decision that I couldn't bear. I took a medical withdrawal and taking the semester off.
When I first made this decision I was scared and didn't know what I would do with myself. As I slowly got used to the idea and became more and more involved in church, I realized it is not what I am to do with myself, but what He will do with me. For some reason I was meant to have this exact time off and I was supposed to go through this year, to either be able to relate to someone better or just for me to become a better person. I have never felt so close to God than I do now. And life at home is a tad bit different and difficult at time but as long as I have my MP3 I'm home. I do miss school and the events but it's ok, I will see them again and I love visiting. If it was possible to grow a new soul and have an outlook on life, than I did it. I am just not on the same stuff I was on before, not to criticize any of my friends that are still there, but I have seen and embraced this new lifestyle and I refuse to turn back. I am looking at a missions trip or maybe interning at IHOP. Not too sure where life will take me right now but I know that God will be there every step of the way guiding my path. I will be writing more on this soon, its been awhile but I prefer this to a journal anyway.
