Life as of now: Pretty good as far as I can see

      Well it's been a good few weeks. I have successfully maintained two jobs. One at a local cafe and one within the Church praise God. I have been doing well for the most part, all things considering. I have been really contemplating missions. All I really want to do is help people. Part of me wants to return to school, but the other part of me feels like I am being called elsewhere. I am somewhat a wondering soul, but if I must stay stationary right now in order to become a seasoned traveler I will do what I must. 

      I am curious about my fellow peers who have decided to marry and start their family. I am astonished by this. I wish I was so self assured that I could commit my life to someone else and then become the mother of a life that I am in charge of guiding them to become productive members of society and better yet God's family. I miss my friends at school, but it is not what I thought it would be. I thought I will be sad and so out of place at home; But I guess wherever you are you have to make the best of it. I am genuinely in a good place,  I don't think I have never been so grounded and secure in my own skin, and it's a beautiful thing. 

       I am preparing.....for what I don't know. I feel like a change in my life is coming and I can't put my finger on it but I hope that I am ready. I am conscious of some plans that I am making and  believe that there will be a place for me in church and that I will be successful in whatever endeavors that I do whether my original plans or those that he is making within me.

     So on the friend front me and my best friends have slowly drifted but remain close. Jules is out of the country and hasn't made much progress in trying to stay and touch. It's okay I know that he is busy and trying to find himself. Me and Chels are going to be doing something this summer hopefully lots of fun will ensue. And Soy and me have been drifting, it's just sad that she doesn't see it. She isn't really on the same page as me anymore which doesn't mean we can't be friends it's just things might change. And my twin sister will be home from school soon which mean it will be concerts and the Tour galore. I miss my dog and I am craving for another pet real soon. But I will have to be something that is easily manageable.

     When looking at the Bible I continuously come across verses that reminds me of God's love and how much he is willing to do for us. God loves us so much that he gave his only Son for us. How many people are willing to sacrifice their child for others, not many if any. Even Abraham had trouble when God commanded him to, but it was just a test that God wants to see our faith. He will never give us more than we can handle he just wants to remember in time of struggle who he is and that our faith should be in Him at all times. In this last year I have forgotten that a few times, but I pray that I never will again. 

           ~ I pray and wish many blessing on those around me and you! ~

A year ago.. in retrospect

So in the last year so much has occurred in my life. A year ago I was facing the darkest days of my life. I didn't see a point in living and I thought that God was still alive but turned his back and took a break and said figure it out for yourself for awhile little girl. I was alone and scared. I went through heartache and deep sadness. I finished the semester though and of course dean's listed it with the help of my family. But when do you draw the line of help and over helping. Most likely it would have been a more smart decision to have just came home but perfectionist me wanted to finish, which I ended up taking an incomplete and finishing mid summer. I pleaded with my parents to let me stay, but sometimes you truly don't know what you want when you are so blinded. So with the help of church and friends I was ready to tackle another year at the 'Ville. I did it until the last two weeks in which I got a bad sinus infection that turned into a cold. So of course I was looking for spring for redeeming the time lost. But a week after my 21st birthday I had vertigo and a migraine to top all others, making it so bad that it reeked havoc on my vision and nerves that I couldn't walk. So of course going through the gamut of doctors and physical therapy and six weeks later I was about 70% but by that time too much school had passed. So I had to make the decision that I couldn't bear. I took a medical withdrawal and taking the semester off. 


When I first made this  decision I was scared and didn't know what I would do with myself. As I slowly got used to the idea and became more and more involved in church, I realized it is not what I am to do with myself, but what He will do with me. For some reason I was meant to have this exact time off and I was supposed to go through this year, to either be able to relate to someone better or just for me to become a better person. I have never felt so close to God than I do now. And life at home is a tad bit different and difficult at time but as long as I have my MP3 I'm home. I do miss school and the events but it's ok, I will see them again and I love visiting. If it was possible to grow a new soul and have an outlook on life, than I did it. I am just not on the same stuff I was on before, not to criticize any of my friends that are still there, but I have seen and embraced this new lifestyle and I refuse to turn back. I am looking at a missions trip or maybe interning at IHOP. Not too sure where life will take me right now but I know that God will be there every step of the way guiding my path. I will be writing more on this soon, its been awhile but I prefer this to a journal anyway.